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Domestic violence harms and kills too many women in Oklahoma each year, scarring individuals, families, and communities; leading to an unmeasurable human cost. According to the 2010 National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, 49% of women in Oklahoma and 40% of Oklahoma men have experienced intimate partner violence—which includes rape, physical assault, and stalking by someone who is or was involved in a romantic relationship with the victim. [1] The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence ranks Oklahoma the sixth-worst state for domestic violence, [2] and the state is also ranked third in the nation for the number of women killed by men. [3] These alarming statistics highlight the necessity of turning our attention to survivors and bearing witness to their stories, in the hopes of moving Oklahoma towards change.
Domestic violence, also known as intimate partner violence, is defined as a “pattern of assaultive and coercive behaviors, including physical, sexual, and psychological attacks, as well as economic coercion” used against an intimate partner or family member. [4] The causes of domestic violence are complex and are rooted in the individual characteristics of the abuser, as well as situational factors and structural forms of violence that help create the conditions for abuse to occur. Structural factors—which include unemployment and unequal access to housing and healthcare—place low-income women at an increased risk of being victims of domestic violence, and often make it more difficult for them to leave abusive situations. [5] Intimate partner violence can occur in any kind of relationship regardless of economic status, relationship structure, gender, or sexual orientation.
The COVID-19 pandemic is one recent factor affecting victims and survivors of domestic violence. In Oklahoma, advocates have witnessed an increase in the number of domestic violence incidents during the pandemic, hypothesized to be a consequence of increased stress in homes, social and physical isolation, and fewer opportunities for victims to leave abusive situations. [6] In addition, domestic and intimate partner violence has become more lethal, with an increase in murders committed by victims’ partners or family members. [7] The pandemic’s effects continue, necessitating the need for increased resources and social and financial support directed to victims and survivors.
Research shows that the health impacts of domestic violence are far-reaching, persisting even after the abuse has ended, affecting both physical and mental health. A 2020 analysis of data from the World Health Organization (WHO) revealed that all categories of intimate partner violence (physical, sexual, and psychological) were associated with poorer health. [8] Studies specific to women of color found some of the negative health outcomes of intimate partner violence include disordered eating patterns, physical injuries, depression, suicidality, and PTSD, [9] among other conditions. Educating healthcare providers on the signs of domestic violence and its effects on health is a critical part of ensuring that victims and survivors get the help they need.
In the narratives below, survivors of domestic violence give voice to their experiences, rejecting societal expectations for victims to stay quiet, to suffer in silence. The women describe the multiple forms of violence they have endured, from the violence at the hands of their abusers, to the violence perpetuated by the criminal justice system in failing to support and protect them. Even as they openly express their pain, they speak with hope and a fierce determination, encouraging action that centers the voices and needs of survivors across Oklahoma.
Domestic violence harms and kills too many women in Oklahoma each year, scarring individuals, families, and communities; leading to an unmeasurable human cost. According to the 2010 National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, 49% of women in Oklahoma and 40% of Oklahoma men have experienced intimate partner violence—which includes rape, physical assault, and stalking by someone who is or was involved in a romantic relationship with the victim. [1] The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence ranks Oklahoma the sixth-worst state for domestic violence, [2] and the state is also ranked third in the nation for the number of women killed by men. [3] These alarming statistics highlight the necessity of turning our attention to survivors and bearing witness to their stories, in the hopes of moving Oklahoma towards change.
Domestic violence, also known as intimate partner violence, is defined as a “pattern of assaultive and coercive behaviors, including physical, sexual, and psychological attacks, as well as economic coercion” used against an intimate partner or family member. [4] The causes of domestic violence are complex and are rooted in the individual characteristics of the abuser, as well as situational factors and structural forms of violence that help create the conditions for abuse to occur. Structural factors—which include unemployment and unequal access to housing and healthcare—place low-income women at an increased risk of being victims of domestic violence, and often make it more difficult for them to leave abusive situations. [5] Intimate partner violence can occur in any kind of relationship regardless of economic status, relationship structure, gender, or sexual orientation.
The COVID-19 pandemic is one recent factor affecting victims and survivors of domestic violence. In Oklahoma, advocates have witnessed an increase in the number of domestic violence incidents during the pandemic, hypothesized to be a consequence of increased stress in homes, social and physical isolation, and fewer opportunities for victims to leave abusive situations. [6] In addition, domestic and intimate partner violence has become more lethal, with an increase in murders committed by victims’ partners or family members. [7] The pandemic’s effects continue, necessitating the need for increased resources and social and financial support directed to victims and survivors.
Research shows that the health impacts of domestic violence are far-reaching, persisting even after the abuse has ended, affecting both physical and mental health. A 2020 analysis of data from the World Health Organization (WHO) revealed that all categories of intimate partner violence (physical, sexual, and psychological) were associated with poorer health. [8] Studies specific to women of color found some of the negative health outcomes of intimate partner violence include disordered eating patterns, physical injuries, depression, suicidality, and PTSD, [9] among other conditions. Educating healthcare providers on the signs of domestic violence and its effects on health is a critical part of ensuring that victims and survivors get the help they need.
In the narratives below, survivors of domestic violence give voice to their experiences, rejecting societal expectations for victims to stay quiet, to suffer in silence. The women describe the multiple forms of violence they have endured, from the violence at the hands of their abusers, to the violence perpetuated by the criminal justice system in failing to support and protect them. Even as they openly express their pain, they speak with hope and a fierce determination, encouraging action that centers the voices and needs of survivors across Oklahoma.
* all names used are pseudonyms.
I was with my late husband [John] for twelve years before we got together. When we bought our house, he started getting worse, like more anger breakouts. He started telling me that he wanted to put a bullet in my head. And I stayed. Because that’s how I was raised—you don’t walk away from these things, you work it out, you get help.
Personal Experiences of Domestic Violence
And so I get to work and I tell Rick [my boss]––I was like, John’s been threatening to kill me. He pulled a gun on me last night and pointed it at me. And so now, I was scared that John had guns that could shoot long range and I was scared that with me sitting in the parking lot waiting for work to start he would kill me. He wasn’t working, and I had told my boss about two years prior, or a year and a half prior, if I ever don’t call in or don’t show up, John’s killed me.
It had been to the point where I didn’t want to go home at night. I was going down to my dad’s when I got off work or to Walmart every night. Just so I wouldn’t have to be around John. And that Christmas we got into a fight. He pulled out his Glock 19, cocked it, put one in the chamber, and pointed the gun at my head. And we started fighting. We got up into the kitchen and he put the gun to my head. I was like, you don’t get to fucking do that. He’s like, why not, it’s my house too. So finally I get him to calm down but when he first pulled the gun on me I took off and went to the bedroom to get my phone and shut the door and locked it. He busted down the door––so I finally get him to calm down that night and I go to bed and I don’t know if he’s going to come in there and kill me while I’m asleep. I get up the next morning, get my work clothes on that I have, grab my blanket and my blood pressure medicine, my meds that I have to take, and I leave and that’s the last time I saw my husband alive. His depression and anxiety were going at each other because they kind of feed off each other and that’s what happened. He committed suicide in the master bedroom.
That’s how things kind of got started. I was already in an abusive situation and I had moved on. I was talking about suicide, I was talking about that hard story of like, I saw the aftermath pictures of what my bedroom looked like. I lost all my clothes. I lost my house, I lost my dog, I lost everything. I was like a bad country song. But people don’t talk about suicide. People don’t talk about the really abusive horrible gory stuff that happens with abusive relationships.
So fast forward three years. My current best friend is at my house. Me and her middle son, Jacob, become friends and we start sleeping together. We get into a fight and on November 1st, or November 2nd, something like that, cause I’m going to the house, my brother and his family have been living in my house since my late husband had died. I had to kick him out cause they quit paying rent and doing things. So I’d been there working on the house trying to get it ready to sell, cause I physically and mentally, all the things, could not move back into the house. It was a beautiful house, but walking through that house I could pick out—he put his head through the wall there, that was his fists, that was his head again, that was another fist, he threw something there and broke it. Like walking through and having that abuse still there and those memories still there, they were never going to go away and they were just going to haunt me. So I sold the house.
We make up the day after Christmas. Um, he [Jacob] loses his job in March, and he’s helping me grieve. And he’s like, it’s not your fault. John’s last text message to me was, this is all your fault. That was the last thing my husband ever said to me before he committed suicide. And I live with that every day. He [Jacob] finally—things start turning around in August. I had filled out his resume, I had filled out the applications for him for jobs and at that point I was paying all his bills, letting him drive my truck, and we were still sleeping together.
He gave me a place to heal from John’s abuse. And when I kept crying he came up and helped me. And so when he stopped talking to me and stopped responding to me I was hurt. I went back to—I went to his house that night. I was like, “are we still on for tomorrow?” Well that pissed him off. I was like, “I didn’t mean it like that.” He was like, “you know what, fuck you, I’m going to leave a thousand dollars on the kitchen table—on the kitchen counter with your key and everything, I’m done.” And I was like, oh hell no. And I said, “No, you can’t treat me like this. I don’t deserve this.” And Jacob knew all the abuse I had been through. Like from what I’ve learned, abusive guys do that, when it comes to push or shove at the end, you’re the one they’re going to kick.
And so for me, standing up for myself, he walks up and puts his Ruger MK-4 to my left temple. It’s a 22 wide gun. I can close my eyes and I can still see it. And I open my eyes and I tell him to pull the trigger. He then sets the gun down and I don’t remember much after that. Next thing I know, I look at him and I said, “well then you can’t do it. If you do it you don’t have to pay me back the $3600 dollars you owe me.” Which come to find out was more than that, but that’s just what we had tallied up. And I think that’s when he punched me. And he punched me multiple times. Because there was blood splatter all over my face. Um like where his fists went and blood had come out. Um, I think he punched me so hard that when he did it, my head went into the wall. He said we fell down or something. But there was a hole in the wall. That I don’t remember. The next thing I know, after, cause he’s kind of bent over pointing the gun down as I lay by the door. I can feel his arm around my neck, and I push him off, saying Jacob, stop. I hear him say, stay down. And then I hear somebody else say, “What’s going on here?” I don’t know—I wake up, and I’m like, “What the fuck happened”—I don’t know anything. I’m lucky I can tell you my name. I don’t know what happened. To this day, it’s been almost a year, I still don’t know what happened. Um, the police asked if I wanted to file charges and at the time, No, because I don’t know what happened.
But then Wednesday I go back [to the police] and I was like, “I want to press charges.” And they’re like, “Um, you can’t.” You can give another statement but they refused to. That night after I started throwing up blood, I go sit back down and they’re like, “Why do you keep looking at him to save you? Why do you keep looking at him like that?” He was my best friend. He helped me grieve for my husband. He took care of me on the day that my husband died. And knowing that a guy can treat you like that and help you go through all those things and then become that violent and that abusive, it makes you never want to date again again.
Health Implications
The biggest health impacts of violence are women not having enough money. Like I don’t have health insurance. I can’t afford it. I’m also now a worker’s comp case. With my second incident, EMT was called, and I had to ask for gauze for my mouth. I was—he busted up my face to the point where I had to get twenty stitches in my face. I had to ask the EMT for gauze. I started throwing up blood and one of the police officers looked over—“Oh, she’s only throwing up blood.” That’s not okay. I’m pretty sure if I was a blonde haired blue eyed hundred pound girl instead of a dark curly haired olive-skinned with darker eyes, 5 foot 8, two hundred and thirty pound female, things would have been different. That was not taking care of a woman who clearly didn’t know what happened cause he choked me and dragged me out of his house. They’re like, “do you know how your face got busted? No? So you don’t remember anything?” No. And they can’t arrest him. And they refused to. So, once again, men control everything. I live check to check. Insurance costs too much.
Consequences of Covid-19
It [Covid-19] increases it [domestic violence]. Everyone gets locked together, people lost jobs, men have tempers and they get frustrated and they take that frustration outward and women hold their aggression inward. They break things, they punch holes in the wall. They scream, they growl. And I think more people were home drinking. I’ve been—I’ve lived with an alcoholic, and so, um, my late husband was trying to become an alcoholic but I was like hey, you keep drinking like this, I’m leaving. Because you’re becoming an alcoholic. And he finally quit. When he realized—when I kept saying it and saying it. But having people trapped and not having a way out and saying you can’t go see your friends and stuff—even just to see other people, it’s healthy. People do not—we are a herd of people. We love our people, we need other people to survive. Not all people do, some people are solitary but we are not a solitary mammal, per se, in the overall scheme of things. We need lots of people. We need lots of—even going to the store and being around people, that’s still interacting with other people. And also, the germs and everything. You stay locked up inside, when you go out eventually, you’re going to be more likely to get sick, because your immune system hasn’t been able to fight all the germs that it’s needing to fight. So more people will also get sick. And global pandemic is not healthy. But for abuse because people get stuck at home, and frustrations and you notice all these little things that you may not have known about your partner, and these little ticks and stuff. That may now drive you crazy and a lot of relationships have been ending because of it. So, on so many levels it’s not healthy.
If he’s already abusive, who may already have the drinking problems, plus trying to take care of the kids, and make sure that they don’t upset him, or anger him, and there’s a lot more abuse during COVID. A lot more issues of violence, of domestic violence. Even in the state of Oklahoma, like they talked about it. Since I have not been able to work at my normal job because of my workers comp, plus summer because of COVID and stuff they said they couldn’t accommodate me, cause I can’t lift anything over 25 pounds, and since November it dropped down to 10 pounds. So they had me working at a nonprofit. And we definitely saw that with the people and stuff and it sucked. Because you saw the women who were being abused, but you can’t do anything about it. And we saw a lot more kids being abused and stuff and the need for help went up, because so many people have lost their jobs and everything, and now people who have lost their jobs who were making like 60 grand are trying to find jobs that are like 25 for entry. It’s not fair. Corporate America fucked every American. And took away—basically, “Oh, as long as we don’t lose money, we’re going to make sure everyone else does.” And then people are like, well why don’t you go find a job? Yeah, there’s jobs out there and stuff. But I know what I’m worth. And I feel like women definitely get the brunt of this because they feel like women don’t work as well. Women are better multitaskers and can do more than men. But what do I know?
Policy Action
That people were held accountable, men and women. And better police training for everybody. When I talk to my Oklahoma City police officer friends about what happened that night, they ask, “Why wasn’t he arrested?” Everybody asks that, like why wasn’t he arrested? I think he knew somebody on the force. He knows people. Um, it’s kind of a small town out there. Yeah, it’s the metro, but that’s still small town. He still grew up with those guys playing football. So he knows all those guys. And not having guys—not having that power anymore to get out of those situations. Um, having better training for police, straight up, straight across the board. Having them know about the LBGT rights and the transgender rights. And just better training, better acceptance across the board. That’s all I truly want is like I want reform. I do want police reform. Like in the dream world, police would not have done what they did. They would have had their training they needed, and that’s all I want is for them to get the training they need.
And I’m still having to fight for that. And that’s not fair. I shouldn’t have to be fighting this hard for justice.
Takeaway Thoughts
So, at this point, I’d rather stay at home and not ever go out again and not ever try to talk to guys and just hide. Because what’s the point? They’re just going to hurt me, they’re just going to use me. But I have guys who are worth it. Who tell me, I’m proud of you for getting back out there. You’re a strong person, don’t let this get you down. And knowing that guys feel that way about me and they see that in me makes a huge difference. And I hope Jacob will—I am still fighting for justice on Jacob. And I hope to get it. And I may not, but at least I went and fought, and that’s all we can do. And most women maybe want to hide the dark and abuse and like push it underneath the rug, and I get that, I did that with John for a long time, the abuse, the— And now I’m wanting to stand on my own.
And I hope my story will help somebody else, that knowing that I’ve been through it twice. That I’m lucky to still be here. That maybe one day I can write a memoir about all my stories and go into more detail. But keep fighting. It’s going to be worth it in the end. Life is horrible but it’ll be good for just those amazing little moments that make it all worthwhile and you are worthy and that I am worthy. That we are all worthy to still be here and to be a woman. And to be strong and not weak. To be proud of who we are. And all of our kinks and misjudgments and weird quirks, that we are worth it in the end. And that’s all I’ve ever wanted to do. I can’t have kids. So this is the way that I can still help people. I wanted to be a teacher and help people while I’m teaching but it’s just not where I thought I would be teaching. So I guess I kind of have reached my goal. I want to help and that’s all I want to do.
Unfortunately, in my experience, the judgment, in the words of the other people that you are disclosing to are taken considerably more seriously than in survivors, than the victim. And so if that first person does not believe you or doesn’t take you seriously, they’re kind of setting you up for failure for the rest of the battle, however long that goes.
Implications of Stigma
I think a large thing to overcome when dealing with the repercussions of domestic violence and sexual assault is that you kind of have to jump through a lot of hoops to get treatment, to get help, regardless if you’re living with the perpetrators or not. It’s still very difficult to find the resources and it’s very difficult to know where to start when you’re trying to get help. And I’m again, fortunate in the sense that I did not––I do not live with my perpetrator, but I can understand that people, those who do have an extra very terrifying hurdle in having to really, really be secretive and attempt to get help in a clandestine manner.
And another thing that is a massive hurdle is that there’s still that stigma around domestic violence. There’s still a stigma around sexual assault. I would argue, especially in Oklahoma. So, when you do need to disclose that situation in order to get assistance, be it medical or mental or anything like that, it’s almost scary, like we talk about the hit or miss, whether your provider is going to take you seriously or, or be compassionate and understanding. And so it’s scary to have to disclose that to, say, a nurse and then in a hospital or something like that, because you don’t know how they’re going to react. And if you’ll get the treatment or you’ll get the consideration that you need, that you deserve.
Health Care Interactions
I’m very fortunate in that I’ve had health insurance. And I’m very, very grateful because I know that is a very privileged situation and that for a lot of people, and a lot of people close to me, that’s not the case. But as far––even with insurance, the interactions with people are very interesting. After my assault, when I was worried about stuff like that, I went to Planned Parenthood, but it was still very hush hush, kind of like go through the back door type situation.
And separately, I went to an older male doctor for like, for a pulmonologist appointment or whatever. And it was interesting, the kind of difference in the interaction in the more paternal kind of I don’t know how to explain it exactly, but the almost dismissal of the concern that I went there for, as opposed to my primary doctor, who is a woman. I’m very fortunate that, and I don’t go to the doctor very often. But when I had an emergency several years ago and I finally got a doctor and I spoke with her and she actually listened to me. And, you know, I feel heard with her. And I feel like health care or at least practitioners in Oklahoma, again, in my limited experience––but as with talking with my friends as well, kind of a hit or miss whether you’re taken seriously.
Impacts of a Global Pandemic
Well, of course, a major one was the lockdown situation, you are with the perpetrator a lot more often. And not only just time wise, you guys together more you know, tensions run high. There’s the anxiety of a global pandemic. There’s the anxiety or the stress of being kind of confined to your house. There’s the agitation from added rules and regulations to your everyday life. It’s just a change and a massive change in the way that affects all aspects of life and that causes stress and or anxiety, which, you know, does not mesh well together with two people who are stuck in the same situation, and especially if they have different viewpoints or reactions to it.
So situations like a global pandemic or something that is so universally stressful raises tensions and also increases that. That time spent together [means] that, you know, you have a greater risk of harm being done and you have a lower risk of being able to get help because, you know, like hospitals have regulations, for good reason, but you can’t have a support person with you to go to the hospital. So you will face the, if you get medical treatment. You have to face that [medical treatment] alone and I had to do that. It is very, very terrifying and it is very upsetting to not be able to have some support system with you. So that fear of having to go about, you know, if you decide to go that route, the fear of having to do that alone is, it can sometimes be a make or break mentality for you. And sometimes it’s just like, well, forget it, I’m going to face it alone, I’m going to face it alone here without having to, you know, talk to other people about this, strangers.
Addressing Issues within the System
I hate to sound so negative, but the system is kind of really stacked against you as a victim, and it really is. You don’t have a say, even if something does go to court, for example, which mine did not. It’s the state versus the defendant, not the victim. And for criminal prosecution, for criminal charges. And so you have some other person, some prosecutor who is supposed to be for the people, representing the people. And honestly, in my experience,[this] is not the case. But that kind of just structure completely undermines the criminal justice system because you’re not getting justice if it’s inconvenient. So really, what is justice in that situation? And I think that unfortunately, that’s putting a lot of burden on the victim, the survivor who has already experienced this tremendous trauma. And we have to advocate for ourselves. And I’ve personally not, I try not to ruffle any feathers. I don’t want to, you know, make any noise. I usually try to be very go with the flow. But I’ve realized after being failed and again, I’m saying this as working in the criminal justice system, which is depressing.
I was failed at every single step of the way. And the only reason I was able to recognize that is because I had the formal training that, hey, this is not how this is supposed to go. I know that you’re supposed to do more of an investigation, than the one call. In my case, the two calls, the two interviews and then calling it quits. And I was literally told, oh, sorry, your case fell through the cracks. Now, this is, I knew the timeline because, again, I’ve studied this. And that’s a very, very privileged situation that I’m––I was able to recognize that because of that. And that has continuously been so, so depressing because how many other women, how many other victims have had their cases treated like this and not realize that that’s not supposed to go that way? There should have been more of an investigation. There should have been more than the bare minimum done in cases like these. And it’s taken me personally a long time of processing.
And I realize that I’ve been fighting for something to happen in my case for over 365 days. And I’m going to the law library during my lunch break. I’m doing legal research in my free time. I’m trying desperately to find these avenues and argue the fundamental rights that I should be afforded. The standards the prosecutors are supposed to be held to. The bar association’s rules and regulations and compiling my own evidence because the investigators did not. I had a bunch of text messages that were related. And when, when I asked why initially the case was declined, I asked why. Why wasn’t my outcry witnesses interviewed? Why weren’t the text messages looked at? And they’re like, oh, outcry witness. You knew what that meant. And so kind of implying, like, I’ve done this before or something like that. And when asked about the text messages, why weren’t those looked at? They’re like, “well, you’re telling me an experienced detective would not have asked for your phone.” I’m like, “I don’t know what to tell you. They didn’t.” And so I’ve had to spend hours going, combing through months and months of messages, of highlighting the things that are relevant to the situation. I have an accordion folder of my case file. That burden of investigation should not have to be put on me, being re-traumatized along the way, and it shouldn’t have to be put on anyone to just get the bare minimum of what our justice system is supposed to be there for.
I’ve had to make myself have a voice, which I never usually do. And it is liberating because I’m fighting for what is supposed to happen. I’m fighting for people to do their jobs and do them correctly as they’re supposed to, and not just dismiss any concerns, but also bring light to these kind[s] of shortcomings.
Policy Visions
I think that what––I’ve seen is that a lot of the reason why cases get declined to be prosecuted is for delayed disclosure. And I think that that should not be as big of a consideration or consideration at all because we know that that happens so often in domestic violence and sexual assault cases like that is statistically very common. And to not prosecute or not even bother investigating because someone didn’t call 911 right then, it is kind of a slap in the face to victims. And, you know, another thing that I strongly believe in is that people who are working in the criminal justice system, especially prosecutors and even judges who are making these major decisions, need to have more mandated training on trauma and how that affects the brain. And if they have these outdated views of well, she waited. So, you know, she must have been formulating a story in that time or something like that. Because a lot of the reason why there is delayed disclosure is there’s that fear of repercussion. It’s like I can’t believe this has happened to me. And that is a major thing like that it takes days or weeks or sometimes years to process the severity of what has happened to you.
Also, ideally, and this is coming from a criminal justice kind of academic, I suppose, but ideally, I think prosecutorial discretion needs to have a little bit more advanced, I don’t want to say regulation, but kind of oversight, because in my experience, both personally and studying prosecutorial discretion disproportionately affects sexual violence cases and domestic violence cases because they’re complicated and they’re not always cut and dry. And so I see a lot of prosecutors decline to investigate or investigators decline to investigate because they’ll be in the mindset of, well, it’s not worth it because it’s just going to be too complex. So we’re not going to bother. And I think that that and many other factors in the criminal justice system, in the reporting process, really dehumanizes the victims and the person who is experiencing it. Yes, we need due process. Yes, we need fundamental fairness and defendants and everyone involved needs to, you know, have their rights accommodated, of course. But the victims are not really involved at all. And victims are not really given consideration at all, even just in the case process and a major, major issue that I know, the thing in Oklahoma is that we have victims rights on the books, ok, but they don’t really apply unless charges are formally filed with the courts. And people need to be more aware of the ramifications of not having that consideration, both mentally, physically, emotionally and just statistically.
Takeaway Thoughts
What I want to say to people, and this is way, way easier said than done, and I know this from experience, is that if you can if you so mentally able to do so, follow up, take notes, write down the conversations you have and who you had them with and the content of it with, you know, your investigator, or any sort of agency that you interact with, because our system needs more accountability. And so I think fighting for that is extraordinarily difficult and it is at times mentally draining. But there needs to be more awareness of how victims are being treated. And, you know, it’s hard to speak up about something that is so personal and so, you know, upsetting. And I don’t know that I could and not everyone can. But the people in charge or the communities of these counties need to know how their investigators, how their court system treats these types of cases.
And we should be considered fairly because we are people and members of society. What if this happened to your mother, your sister, your daughter? Will that make you care about this more? It shouldn’t. But you should care that this is how things are happening. And you wouldn’t want to wish this complete disregard, [total] almost, for these types of cases for anyone. And so I think we really need to raise awareness. I think that the people who are working in the field who are making these major decisions need to be more informed of trauma responses and these types of situations. And I say this, that, again, working in the field, in my field, I read a lot of police reports, a lot of court documents. I’ve seen more follow up investigation for a larceny of like a leaf blower. I’ve seen more follow-up investigation in a simple, you know, very, very small theft charge than in my rape investigation, and so seeing that disparity, like our our citizens need to know that––our state needs to know that this is how things are being treated and we need to know how that impacts everybody and the prosecutors need to know how that impacts everybody.
I’m still following up and fighting, kind of, to have my case heard. So, I’m finding avenues and I just hate that it has come to this. And I wouldn’t wish it on any other person, but I know that it is impacting so many people or so many people are in the same boat as me, and that’s just depressing. And I just feel for everybody and I hope that we’ll see some sort of recognition at the very least in a very slow, gradual change.
What is YWCA Oklahoma City?
YWCA Oklahoma City provides CARE and HOPE to victims of domestic violence, sexual assault and stalking, all reflecting the agency mission to eliminate racism and empower women. YWCA OKC is the only certified domestic violence, sexual assault and stalking crisis services agency in Oklahoma County with an emergency shelter. We also provide services to clients at the Palomar Family Justice Center. YWCA OKC is, at our core, emergency crisis intervention services for victims of domestic violence, sexual assault and stalking. We understand survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault and stalking should be provided with services that are empowering, person-centered, multi-culturally competent and trauma-informed. YWCA OKC is philosophically aligned with the Oklahoma Office of the Attorney General. Together, we believe that all persons have the right to live without fear, abuse, oppression and violence.
How does YWCA work to address domestic violence and sexual violence incidents?
YWCA Oklahoma City provides safety, education, and hope to victims of domestic violence in our community. Our crisis services programs are designed to help break the cycle of violence and provide victims with the empowerment they need to be self-sufficient. All programs are offered free of charge. Our wrap around services mean victims have access to advocacy, counseling, and much more whether they reside at our shelter or not. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence please call 1-800-522-7233, advocates are available 24/7. YWCA Oklahoma City provides an array of services to help sexual assault victims and their families begin to heal from the trauma of sexual violence. From responding to calls on our 24-hour Sexual Assault Crisis Hotline to sexual assault advocacy and case management, counseling and support group services, and sexual assault nurse examinations, YWCA OKC is meeting the needs of thousands of sexual assault survivors each year. If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault please call 405-943-7273, advocates are available 24/7.
What services are available for women?
In addition to our core services, YWCA OKC also offers domestic violence and sexual assault counseling and support group services, court advocacy including VPO filing assistance, children’s services, and economic empowerment programs to assist in life skills, job placement, and financial literacy training. YWCA OKC nurses provide forensic medical examinations to victims of domestic and sexual assault in collaboration with advocates who provide emotional support, safety planning, and resources. Our prevention program provides education on healthy relationships, boundaries, consent, and youth engagement within the community in addition to our teen sexual assault program which provides advocacy and counseling to teens and their caregivers.
Does YWCA offer training/classes open to the community?
All of our services are available 24/7, free of charge for victims of domestic violence, sexual assault and stalking. All of our community outreach and education programs also are free. In addition to our free programming, specialized training programs related to domestic violence in the workplace and diversity and inclusion in the workplace trainings are available for a fee. YWCA OKC conducts sexual assault nurse examination training for a fee along with bystander intervention training to alcohol serving establishments to safely and effectively intervene when there are signs of sexual aggression.
How can individuals access your resources?
Call our main number at 405-948-1770 or the Statewide Safeline at 800-522-7233.
1 Sarah Stewart, “Your Turn: It’s Time to Act against Domestic Violence in Oklahoma,” The Oklahoman, May 19, 2021, https://www.oklahoman.com/story/opinion/2021/05/19/your-turn-oklahoma-needs-stricter-laws-against-domestic- abuse/5137685001/.
2 Ibid
3 “Domestic Violence in Oklahoma” National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 2019. https://assets.speakcdn.com/ assets/2497/oklahoma_revised_fc_.pdf.
4 Anne L. Ganley, “Understanding Domestic Violence,” 1995, https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdocdownload?doi=10.1.1.192. 3006& rep=rep1&type=pdf.
5 Natalie J. Sokoloff and Ida Dupont, “Domestic Violence at the Intersections of Race, Class, and Gender,” Violence Against Women 11, no. 1 (January 2005): pp. 38-64, https://doi.org/10.1177/1077801204271476.
6 Quinton Chandler, “Advocates: Pandemic Made Domestic Violence Worse in Oklahoma,” StateImpact Oklahoma (NPR, March 11, 2021), https://stateimpact.npr.org/oklahoma/2021/03/11/advocates-pandemic-made-domestic-violence-worse-in- oklahoma/.
7 Ibid
8 Lucy C Potter et al., “Categories and Health Impacts of Intimate Partner Violence in the World Health Organization Multi- Country Study on Women’s Health and Domestic Violence,” International Journal of Epidemiology 50, no. 2 (April 2021): pp. 652-662, https://doi.org/10.1093/ije/dyaa220.
9 Ibid
